Pursuit.

I just came home from watching Snow White and the Huntsman with my roommate. On the way home I was sort of complaining about the way it ended. For those who haven't seen this film yet, maybe skip the following sentences. After being revived by her "true love's kiss" (the huntsman), she goes to defeat the evil queen and is crowned the new queen in the end. The movie ends with her seemingly waiting for the arrival of the huntsman at her coronation. You can tell in glimpses a few scenes after her and the huntsman meet, that there will most likely be something more between them. Despite a childhood "love," the huntsman is her true match, and continues to follow and protect her. Though you can assume that they end up "together" in the end, they hardly show it. That's what made me disappointed, that they didn't show their "love." Leave it to me - go to an action-y, fantasy, fairy tale movie - and expect a happy, love-y ending. 

I came home thinking about why this made me so disappointed. Why do I always look for the love story in movies. Why do silly, sappy, unrealistic tales like Twilight suck me in?

Then it hit me.

I want to be pursued. 

I have been mulling over this idea of pursuit in the past few weeks with some friends. The idea that a woman should be pursued, but should shy away from pursuing. I used to hate this idea. The idea that a man gets to decide who he desires and that's all that matters. However, upon reflecting on my shallow attempts at "pursuit," they always seems to hurt me more than they help. 

I want to be pursued.

I think back to the female lead in these movies and stories. Edward is willing to give up everything to protect Bella. Everything he does is to make her happy. Logan walks across the country to find Beth, the subject of the photo that found him in Iraq. He thinks and schemes ways to win her favor, protects her from harm, and fights for her. And the huntsman leads Snow White through the dark forest, protects her from harm, realizes he is doing so because of love for her, then fights harder. Pursues harder. 

I want to be pursued.

I am sick of feeling like I'm flailing in the pool of self-pity and single-hood. I see others around me happily settling, starting lives, or at least feeling wanted. I often feel none of that. 

I sat with these feelings for a moment, and then felt foolish. I am pursued. I am constantly being pursued, and have been since I took my first breath. I have a king who has fought for me in every single moment of my life - joy, despair, difficulty, ease, and utter hopelessness. I have been fought for. But do I recognize it?

I have a king who desires me, all of me, and nothing short of that. Jesus has been fighting for my heart before I could logically form a thought. Against all the evil "kings and queens"  I have encountered in my short life here, Jesus has fought for my heart, and more importantly for my soul. This world and so many things in it have been uniquely designed for my favor, and I fail to recognize it. God sends me picturesque landscapes because he knows how it feeds my soul. He gives me music that inspires me. He lends me people who make feel loved and appreciated. He fights for my favor. 

I feel ashamed that I so readily turn it aside. I think that it is "not enough" because there isn't a simple ring on my left hand. If I am not pursued by humanity, then I must be flawed. 

I have to reject this thought. I have to learn to see it for the falsity it manifests. 

My worth, my value lie not in the favor of another human, but in the favor of my God and King. 

He pursues me at every second, every moment of my existence. My prayer tonight is that this is enough for me. And that I can feel the value in this eternal pursuit.